By: Brent Longnecker with Caden Conn
“It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might have not have lived at all… in which case, you failed by default.”
-- J.K.Rowling
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I truly had the greatest dad ever – “Big Jim” Longnecker – four-sport, four-year letterman in college and recruited by the Cleveland Indians and Tris Speaker to play for them. He declined the Indians’ offer, began working for Dallas Power & Light, and would be wonderfully successful. However, he would divorce my mom when I was 11, but thankfully what he shared with me over those eleven years as his oldest son – playing catch, pool, working together on every church project at St. Paul, and/or just on our drives together – was priceless.
He truly “breathed” into me that I could do anything. He saw me as a thinker and protector, that God had called me to help others, and that I would make a difference in this world. However, after he left my family, we quickly sunk into poverty, depending on food stamps, and just trying to get by. I prayed and hoped he had been right about me. Rest assured, fear gripped me in its terrible vice at 11 years old, but the vision of success my dad had planted into my DNA and soul would break those shackles, and I would from there always purpose to be ALL God had called me to be.
I put fear in my rear-view mirror, as my “window” in front of me became HUGE!
“Failure is a stepping stone to greatness.”
-- Oprah Winfrey
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Fear of failure is an emotional hurdle that challenges countless individuals, hindering their potential for growth and success. This fear is an innate, human response, rooted in our instincts to protect ourselves from heartache and/or disappointment. However, when this fear becomes all-consuming, it can deter us from taking risks and pursuing our goals and purpose – and ultimately success. Prayerfully with this article, Caden and I can delve into the origins of fear of failure and its impact on personal development by comparing it against a mindset of embracing a positive mindset to success.
Just so we all are on the same page, embracing success is more than just reveling in achievements, it is a profound understanding and acknowledgement of one’s drive, growth, grit, and resilience. The power of positively embracing success extends far beyond personal gratification as it rewires our brain (neuroplasticity) to bless and motivate others, and it paves the way for even greater accomplishments.
To accomplish that, one needs to embrace several positive mindsets, specifically:
1. Shifting Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Fear produces a mindset of scarcity, but when we embrace the vision of success, we adopt a positive/abundance mindset that focuses on the positive aspects of our lives versus dwelling on limitations. We see setbacks as opportunities to grow, learn, and improve. This shift in perspective enables us to see opportunities where we once saw obstacles – fostering creativity and innovation. Visualizing success, coupled with recognizing our accomplishments, inspires us to begin to build one step at a time and open ourselves to more possibilities to accomplish – what others thought – the impossible.
“I can accept failure. Everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.”
-- Michael Jordan
Embracing failure as a learning experience with a positive mindset enables us to bounce back stronger and more determined than ever!
2. Eliminating Negativity to Create Self-Confidence and Drive/Motivation
I remember standing at home plate with my bat in hand. Our city team was depending on me to bring in another championship. I was great with the glove, but not so much with the bat. My dad was exactly the opposite, but he and Willie Zimmerman were my coaches, and I had to come through. The pitcher had thrown two brushbacks, that scared the heck out of me, followed by two well-pitched strikes. Two balls, two strikes. My dad called “time”. He signaled me to come over to him to talk, and it was intense.
He told me it was time I quit worrying about failing and start not just focusing – but BELIEVING – in success. He told me the next pitch would be right down the middle and heat. He said, “Dig in, and let’s win this game.” As he walked away, he turned back around and said, “Son, you’ve got this!” That’s ALL I needed. He was right, the next pitch left the park, the St. Paul Saints won the city championship, and my perspective on life would be forever altered.
Building self-confidence is a journey that requires time, effort, and self-awareness. It involves overcoming challenges, facing fears, and embracing personal growth. One must remember to celebrate every small step forward and be kind and realistic with yourself during setbacks. It is important to stay committed to the process and remember self-confidence is something one can drive toward, cultivate, and develop over time. If it worked for Caden and I, it can work for anyone.
3. Embracing Failure as a Learning Opportunity
“If you aim for nothing, you will hit it every time.”
-- Zig Ziglar
I love that quote from Ziglar that Caden’s grandfather, Robert Conn, always used. Failure is a natural part of any journey toward success. Instead of viewing failure as a setback, see it as a learning opportunity. Analyze what went wrong, take away valuable lessons, and use the knowledge to improve and grow. You may be surprised at who all has “failed”.
Henry Ford’s first two automobile companies failed. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school team. Steven Spielberg was rejected from film school three times. Albert Einstein had the label “mentally slow” put on his permanent school record. Elvis Presley was fired from the Grand Ole Opry and was told to go back to truck driving. One of the most famous failures was Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln ran for the U.S. Senate and lost twice. He also ran for the U.S. House of Representatives and again lost twice. Finally, in 1860 he was elected as President. Now that is perseverance and true grit!
Yes, the fear of failure is daunting. All the above took “aim” at something. Take comfort that these famous failures are now amazing successes, looking back now. These examples show us that SUCCESS HAS TO BE EARNED!
4. Embracing Positive Visualizations and Affirmations
Caden Conn’s father, Jason, would encourage him in basketball to always visualize the move he was going to make, the shot he was about to take, before and during the game. Jason’s advice changed Caden’s approach not only to basketball, but to life, and it is why he is writing this article with me. He saw the results, and now knows as a 20-year-old that there is a correlation between your positive thinking and success in whatever “game” and/or endeavor one is facing. He epitomizes the new generation that has to forget entitlement and fear, and instead embrace gratitude, success, and earning a better day – a better life.
Like Jason shared with Caden, visualization is a powerful tool to rewire your brain for success. Spend time each day, not ruminating on your failure, but rather how you can achieve your goals and live your dreams for life. Engage all your senses to make the visualizations more vivid and convincing. Splice success into your brain and your DNA. Alongside visualization though, you must incorporate positive affirmations that reinforce your self-belief and affirm your capabilities. Never speak negatively over yourself or others, for fear is oftentimes an overuse of wisdom as its excuse.
Over time, these practices will create a positive mental mindset, fostering a greater sense of confidence and determination. In the end, the satisfaction you feel at the “finish line” should rest solely in being able to look back knowing you gave it everything you had.
4. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences
“Understand that you will be like those with whom you surround yourself.
Your environment is stronger than you are.”
-- Chinese Proverb
The people you surround yourself with can impact your brain’s wiring. Do NOT associate with “Negative Nellies” or people who epitomize the old adage “misery loves company.” Rather, surround yourself with wonderful people who inspire, mentor, support, and challenge you to be better. Positive influences will encourage you to push your limits and position you to provide valuable insights, boosting and enhancing your probability of success.
5. Set Clear and Attainable Goals
Setting clear and attainable goals is a powerful strategy to overcome fear and achieve success. Your brain plays a crucial role in shaping your thoughts, behaviors, actions, and ultimately, your path to success. Rewiring your brain for success involves harnessing the power of neuroplasticity to create and strengthen successful habits. Clear goals are instrumental in shifting your focus from your fears to what you want to achieve by taking one step at a time. When you have a vision and a specific goal in mind, fear must take a backseat.
As you accomplish each goal, your confidence grows, helping you build momentum to tackle even more significant challenges. One of the most beneficial things I have learned regarding my goals, is that when I make a mistake or fail, they stretch me and help me adjust my approach without losing sight of the journey and my ultimate objectives. By setting clear and attainable goals, we create a framework that guides our journeys toward success, while empowering us to confront and conquer fear along the way. Remember fear is a common emotion, but with determination and a focused mindset, we can use goals as a powerful tool to move forward and achieve our dreams.
6. Prioritize Self-Care and Well-being
Prioritizing self-care and your well-being is essential for maintaining a healthy, balanced, and successful life. Physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental well-being are absolutely essential components of success. Make self-care a priority – especially as you age. Adopt a healthy lifestyle, including meditation/prayer, regular exercise, a nutritious diet, and sufficient rest. Nurturing your mind, spirit, and body enhances cognitive function and emotional resilience, again reengineering your brain toward success.
“Self-care is how you take your power back.”
-- Lalah Deliah
Remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish; it enables you to become more present, productive, and supportive in all aspects of your life. Prioritizing self-care and well-being mitigates and works against fear and anxiety, and positions you for a happier, more fulfilling life.
7. Leaving a Lasting Legacy
Embracing success empowers and positions us to leave a lasting legacy. By recognizing our purpose, impact, and contributions, we can inspire future generations the way Big Jim, Robert and Jason Conn did for both Caden and I. We can inspire future generations to strive for greatness. The power of embracing success extends far beyond our immediate reach, shaping the world around us for the better.
By contributing to something greater than yourself, you leave behind influences and memories that can inspire and benefit future generations. Your legacy can be in the form of accomplishments, value, principles, and other positive influences you impart to others. It’s an opportunity to be remembered for the contributions you’ve made – whether it’s through your work, relationships, and/or charitable endeavors.
Purposing for success – in all venues – can position one for a meaningful and lasting legacy that will make a difference and will continue well after you are gone. Remember, you only have ONE REPUTATION and ONE LEGACY!
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SUMMARY
“Nothing in life is worthwhile unless you take risks. Fall forward.
Every failed experiment is one step closer to success.”
-- Denzel Washington
It’s 2006, and we are at the state track & field finals for TAPPS here in Texas. The 100m female high hurdles are up. My daughter, Chanel, is odds-on favorite to win based on her times for the year. She is not built like a hurdler though, at only 5 feet 4 inches tall, but what she lacks in size and turnover, she makes up for with pure grit. She holds 4 school records now, 4 of which she took away from her older sister, Brittny, who still owns four and is now in college. We are at Baylor Track Stadium and the hurdlers settle in. Anticipation is high and as one of the track coaches, I am on the other side of the stadium with my 3 stop watches around my neck. I’m standing with other coaches, and we are anxious to see this race.
The gun goes off and Chanel explodes out of the blocks… explodes! However, that messes up her timing and she gets to the first hurdle way too fast and has to stop, while all the other hurdlers run by. Her head drops, tears form, and she just stands there. The race finishes, and Chanel looks at the times, puts them in her head, and walks back to the blocks. Thousands are watching. I’m having a rough time since I knew how much this meant to her. The stadium is perfectly quiet.
She settles into the blocks, and all eyes are on her as I pull my stopwatch out. She attacks with no one to race against – just herself and the times in her head. As she gets to the middle of her race, the crowd goes nuts, since many other high schoolers would’ve just walked off – but not Chanel. When she finishes, her recorded time would’ve won the race. She walks off the track, still crying. All the coaches around me are talking – they are stunned. One says, “Well whoever her parents are must be very proud.” I look at them and say, “That’s my daughter, Chanel, and yes, I am very proud.” All the coaches surround me to high-five and give me hugs.
SO I ASK YOU – FAILURE or SUCCESS?
Chanel may have “lost” the race, but she “won” the hearts of thousands that day. Which one do you think people will remember?
Today, she works for 1 Reputation as our Marketing Director, and runs her own successful business, Cypress Calligraph & Custom Signage. She is happily married and has two amazing sons. Why did that happen that day? I have no clue, but I can tell you this – the 3,000+ people in attendance that day will never forget a 17-year-old taking what appeared to be a “failure” and turning it into an awe-inspiring success.
We ALL have that in us, the capability to be successful; we just need to find it within ourselves and GO EARN IT! Here’s to destroying your fear of failure and visualizing your successes!
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